in like 400 years this sentence will be in old english
Not without a full stop and capital letter it won’t.
say it to my face bitch
(Source: 1612th2, via slytherin-bamf)
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god
- I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
- We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
- A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
- Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
(Source: joshhutchersonspenis, via slytherin-bamf)
When someone younger than you looks older than you
via sodamnrelatable
(Source: thecrazyfilipino, via slytherin-bamf)
(Source: holydancerss, via slytherin-bamf)
Story Of My Life
- me: i'm going to try and look nice today
- hair: no
- face: no
- body: no
people
that were born
in 2000
are
12
(via slytherin-bamf)
(Source: riddlemetom, via slytherin-bamf)
